Recovering Self-a-holic

As I stared at the bags of children’s clothes in the hall, I heard His voice say, “Give them to Stacey.” I began to challenge the voice and give my justifications for why His suggestion was ludicrous. “I have my own children to clothe Lord.  I sell these clothes, to make money to buy new clothes for my children. The clothes in these bags can make a lot of money.” Once again, I heard the voice repeat the command, “Give them to Stacey.”

I wish I could say that I obeyed promptly and with joy. The bags sat at the end of the hall for several days. I thought by doing so, the voice would go away or I would feel better about disobeying. The voice became louder, and my spirit could not allow me to give into direct disobedience. I made the call and arranged to take the clothes to Stacey’s house. This is now a regular practice for me. I buy the clothes and take care of them during the time my children use them. As the clothes are outgrown, I fill the bag for Stacey’s children.

This experience was one in a long line of lessons that revealed to me a sickness I was not aware that I was plagued with. I am a recovering Self-a-holic. I had always considered myself a giving person. I took food to the sick; bought Christmas gifts for the needy. I thought that was good enough. After all, I must take care of my family and my needs.

Through my recovery I have come to realize that my life is to be sacrificed, not just my money, clothes, or food. Another lesson that has been made very clear to me is the following: if the giving doesn’t cost, it doesn’t count. The cost you give is not necessarily monetary, but it is to be a sacrifice for the giver. Sacrifices are relevant to the giver. God’s Word reminds tells us that where much is given, much is required.

Before recovery, I would read the word “sacrifice” and think of dead animals lying on altar in the desert of the Old Testament. Sacrifice is my act of worship to a living God.  Living sacrifices are for the here and now. Let me challenge you to climb on the altar and be blessed. The sacrifice is worth the cost. Don’t trust me, trust God!