Just Pass the Tissues

”Wendy, we lost Mark last night. He had a heart attack in his sleep.”

I wasn’t sure what I could say that would offer any comfort to my friend. Her 48-year-old husband seemed much too young to leave this earth. In an instant, Susan had become a single mom of six children. Their finances were tight, so this stay-at-home mom would have to look for a job soon after her husband’s funeral.

So many thoughts ran through my head, but none of their sentiment seemed to match the grief of my friend. The words that popped into my head seemed ridiculous and unhelpful to Susan. I took a cue from Job’s three friends and just quietly sat by my friend in silence.

Scripture shares with us one of the most epic stories of loss. Within a few days, Job—a husband, father, homeowner, and cattle owner—lost everything, including his health, except for his friends. “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.” (Job 2:11-13 ESV)

The longer I live, the more pain I see. My friends have lost children, spouses, siblings, and parents. They’ve been hit by natural disasters and market downturns. Marriages have gone up in flames and houses have burned to the ground. Their health and dreams have failed.

Each time I pick up the phone to call, sit down to write a note, or get in the car to deliver a casserole to my friends suffering a loss, I am keenly aware that sometimes my words just aren’t necessary at that point in time. When we find ourselves on the giving end of comfort, it’s important to remember insights from Job’s friends. Before speaking, we should:

• Grieve with our friend over their situation
• Give ourselves time before speaking
• Gauge the conversation so as not to speak too strong, too soon

There will be a time to speak words of encouragement and hope. Moments we’ll share Bible verses throughout the grieving process. Conversations that will remind our friend of truth. These are wonderful and needful things God may want us to do. But let’s be sure to ask if He also would like us to simply be present, give a hug, and pass the tissues—without saying a word.