Handling “Helpful” Confrontations

Job 8:13-15 (NIV) “Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so, perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold.”

For seven days Job’s friends stood silently as he processed the initial shock of losing his health, fortune, and family. Seven days is a long time to think and prepare words of encouragement for a hurting friend. After week of silence, the first thing out of beloved friend Bildad’s mouth was, “How long will you say such things? Your words are a blustering wind.” I wonder if deep in the recesses of Job’s mind he thought, “Thanks. That was helpful.”

Sometimes we have to wade through words to determine their value. I’m not sure if Job had the opportunity to do since the responses between he, Eliphaz, and Bildad were like rapid fire. We can often find buried truth hidden in quick retorts if we are willing to pause.

In his own way Bildad was urging Job to reach out to God and repair what He believed was a relationship broken by sin. Could his words have been tempered with grace? Yes. Should he have been a little more compassionate? Absolutely. But he wasn’t…and sometimes we have to deal with the same type of “friendly fire.” So how do we process unfiltered, often unwanted graceless challenging wisdom?

There’s a few questions I ask myself when on the receiving end of “helpful” confrontations.

• First, it’s important to examine the person’s motive by asking, “Does this person want to help, or harm me?” Understanding a person’s motive will go a long way in determining the validity of their words. Bildad obvious cared about Job or he wouldn’t have stood with him for a week without uttering a word.
• Next, reflect on the words spoken and ask, “Is there any truth in what was said?” Even words that come across harsh should be evaluated. Our key verse begins with the phrase “Such is the destiny of all who forget God.” What is the destiny or the path of those who forget God? Like a papyrus reed perishes without water, and a flower cut before maturity fades away, those who forget God will also suffer the same withering. These facts are true.
• The last step is two-fold and requires the corrective work of the Holy Spirit. “Lord, there is no veracity in the argument, please help me move on, and not hold grudge against her,” or “Lord, Your Spirit has confirmed the argument is valid, guide me to work through this truth in my life.” Even though it isn’t fun, honestly facing truth is healthy and develop our character to reflect Christ.

No one likes to hear a rebuke, especially from a friend. However, when we pause to consider the possible value in the reproof rather than pitch the words aside, God will use the experience to strength our faith.

Lord, I’m so thankful for Your Word, and for the privilege of reading it. I don’t usually consider a rebuke from another person to have value but today I see. I want to yield to the Spirit’s work in my life so even the hard moments can be used to strengthen my faith and make me more like You. In Jesus’ name, amen.