When I Told God No
From across the room our eyes locked.
Her eyes were brimmed with tears. Her posture screamed anguish.
I had a decision to make: Go to her and offer compassion or ignore the moment and leave for lunch.
{Sigh}
I left for lunch. I told God no.
My response sicken me even as I share these words.
I had the opportunity to minister to a hurting sister in Christ yet walked away. For the rest of the afternoon the weight of my decision sat on my chest. How could I speak two more times in front these women? What if I see her again? I’m such a fraud.
“Forgive me Lord,” I cried, “please give me another chance.”
Strengthen by His forgiveness I returned to the church and spoke two more times. At the close of conference, God answered my prayer. I saw her.
Once again tears spilled from her eyes. She stood in the lobby talking to one of the conference leaders. Anxiety set in and my pulse began to race. Certainly, Rhonda has the situation under control and doesn’t need me to intervene.
An internal struggle arose.
I knew God had given me another chance but I was scared. Pushing through my fears I joined the two women and asked if we all could go to a quiet place. Rhonda and I sat down in the Pastor’s study and listened. As this sister poured her heart out to us, I sensed God directing me to confess my sin.
Another internal struggle.
Really God? I know I messed up earlier but I’m here now. I already confessed to you. I’m the speaker of the conference. What will she think of me? What will Rhonda think of me? I can’t do this. Don’t make me do this!
Rhonda and I continued to listen and offer encouragement then joined hands to pray. Rhonda prayed first. It was my turn. With my heart pounding and hands trembling I begin to speak. In the tenderness of the moment, God gave me words to pray and the courage to confess my sin.
She forgave me and so did God.
We don’t often get a second chance to help a hurting person, to speak a kind word, or demonstrate compassion by just listening. When God gives us a moment, let’s not waste it. Let’s be women who push through our fears and silence the internal struggle with a loud, YES. Yes God and thank you for choosing me!
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What an amazing article! Just a few hours ago my best friend of 35yrs. & I sat here in my living room having this very discussion..We were sharing with each other about how many times God has called us to say or do something & we’ve tried to negotiate his request of us..Speaking firmly trying to convince God that we are not equip, not ready, don’t want to, etc. Often times missing the moment, Then in having to go around & around, back & forth, still continually trying to convince God we are not qualified, ready, etc. We finally surrender..Ok, Ok, I will I would say to God in my mind! I will, but I don’t think it’s gonna work that way! Wow! What a lesson!! So NOW realizing wholeheartedly I can do NOTHING in my own strength…I am nothing without him & not only that I have tried to “run” my life & things my way for so many years prior & admitting I’m really just not that good @ it…It has literally been a disaster without him..Finally repenting 1st for my doubt.My doubt that if I do, say or act as he instructed I will be looked upon differently, or made a fool..Forgive me Precious Father for thinking such “absurdities”.2nd- of all for not following my Faith, my Absolute Faith knowing that He alone IS God! Reflecting back on those amazing people that followed his instruction & ministered to me..Oh my goodness Where would I be today if not for his loving, persistence, his wooing me, gently, sending messengers, ministers to speak a word of hope or encouragement..To be a light in a dark place..So I am currently trying to practice having more faith than fear, realizing as long as I don’t focus totally on the fear I will not get paralyzed in the moment..After all God is much bigger than my fears..Jeremiah 1:17–God instructs Jeremiah to go forth & speak to the people, saying only what he tells him to say, & NOT fear, FOR THE LORD GOD IS WITH HIM!..The same applies to us..If God is for us WHO can be against us…I’d also just like to encourage you to NOT be discouraged within yourself..He knows us better than we know ourselves, he know the decisions were going to make B4 we make them..We are his soldiers, on the ground, (earth) spreading his love, sharing his Gospel & being “Living Examples” of his light, his Life transforming goodness…Always, always, always, remember HE LOVES US SO Very much! Unconditionally! NO ONE is or was perfect, EXCEPT HIM!—We are ALL a work in progress, learning, growing & drawing nigh unto him. ..